Immigration Solution

Never fear, America! I've got a solution to all of our immigration worries. Since America is FUBAR, we should just let the immigrants have it. I say we start over in Mexico. That's why I propose that every white male in the USA take a trip down to Mexico City tomorrow and stage a good old fashioned protest. Over what? Who knows? Maybe we could try to take over all of their white collar jobs. The main key is that whatever we do has to be illegal so that we can try to get amnesty for it later.

It turns out that I'm going to have to pull a Michael Jordan and come out of my intramural retirement for one more game. That's right, I managed to make the all star team as the band's sole representative. I'm expecting to do a lot of bench sitting. If I do actually get in the game, however, I plan to put on a display of white man fundamental basketball like the world has never seen before. I'm talking jump stops, triple threat positions, and square to the basket lay-ups that would make Dr. Naismith himself stop and say, "Damn, look at that white dude!" Oh, where have you gone, John Stockton...

If I don't seem strange enough to you already, let me tell you that I sometimes enjoy listening to techno/new age type music (along with jazz and "classical"). At least I listen to better music than those emo freaks. Anyhow, I was listening to one of these songs tonight while doing economics, not a good combo I might add, and something really struck me. There was a girl, who sounded pretty attractive, saying things very seductively like, "You come in and revive me" and "Come set me free." My question is, where the heck are these women in real life. I have never had a female say anything like that to me. I always thought that music was supposed to reflect feelings and situations that happen in real life. I'm not saying that I want to meet one of these women, because if somebody says they want me to revive them, there's at least a 99% chance that I'm going to run away, and at least an 85% chance that I will subsequently curl up in the fetal position in fear. I'm just that kind of guy.

I know this blog hasn't been my most serious form of expression. However, I'd really like to take a moment to be that way. I read this article by Sports Illustrated's Rick Reilly the other day, and I felt like I had to do something. It seemed so simple to give $20 to save lives, and it really is. If you have a heart (which all of us do somewhere in there... even me), please go read the article and consider making a donation here.