New Site = Tasty Goodness

Some of you may remember reading idiotic ramblings in a school newspaper at some point in your life. Well, I write just such articles for The Raider's Digest, the Decatur High School newspaper. They are witty, emotionally powerful, and perhaps the greatest pieces of literature America has even encountered. However, I only get to publish my social commentaries on an infrequent basis, thus I think it would be beneficial to society if there was a way for me to float my thoughts more often. What's this? Blogger would allow me to communicate with you, the general morons ..err.. public, instantaneously. I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

So let's dive right into it. I'm sitting here typing this while listening to a live internet stream of public radio classical music. Does that make me a bad person? Let me give you several reasons why I don't think so. First, Classical music is infinitely better than rap, because I have never heard of a piece of classical music that involved killing bitches. Second, the voices of the people that host these shows are perhaps the most soothing sounds on the face of the Earth. It's everything I can do to stay awake right now, although that might be since it's 12:07 in the morning. Finally, where else can you hear a harpsichord? Do you even know what that is? What is the purpose of a harpsichord? Was the piano just not good enough? Okay, I'm done.

I've decided that my family has a religious aversion to vacations. I calculated yesterday and realized that I haven't been to the beach in at least 7 years. That's a long time, considering it's only 6 hours away. At this point, my parents are a lot more excited about putting away every cent they can for retirement than taking a trip to the beach. I think I will be able to totally understand that when I'm in my fifties. Maybe not going on vacation is a good thing. Family vacations are perhaps the most awkward thing on the face of the earth. You'd think that it wouldn't be that hard to spend time with people you live with all the time. However, when you're shut in a hotel room with them for a week, that delicate family balance quickly descends into an argument over someone rolling around too much and making too much noise for others to be able to sleep. I think I'm glad I'm bored out of my mind at home.

Finally, I think I can officially claim the title of cult hero at this point. I am now known the world over for my unusual and utterly useless talent. I went over to a friend's house to study the other night and his whole family ended up sitting and staring at me while I played my face. The friend's sister told me it was the coolest thing she had ever seen. Earlier that evening, I had gone to my former middle school to watch the school play that my mother was directing. Several current students saw me and immediately recognized me as "that face-slapping guy." Mind you, these aren't even people who saw me in the talent show. I'm not sure if being famous for hitting yourself in the face is a good thing, but it sure is damn funny. I'm still trying to figure out if I can turn this into a career. Unfortunately, right now the Magic 8-Ball of Life is saying something along the lines of "You are a stupid idiot. You can't slap yourself in the face and make money. Go cry in the corner." Thus, I shall go do precisely that...